Sigh.

What do you do?

You have a night full of interrupted sleep; morning finds you fatigued. The important people you try to contact suddenly seem to have dropped off the grid. When you go out, you miss every bus on your route. What do you do?

Pray and believe for something better.

Those Little Moments...

Odd that I'd experience nostalgia at something like this, but it's been so long that I'd almost forgotten how wonderful short bus rides can be with the right company.

I took the bus back with my Eldest, and discussed briefly religion, politics and her future education; one of those father-daughter things. I truly was proud and happy to see her earne her leadership position, but now I truly get the sense that my young Padawan has grown up.

It really moved something in me when she said she'd look for me the next time she had a question. Earlier in the evening, my younger Padawan (finally almost an SP) had announced loudly to some of the newer members than I was his mentor.

I thought my days of mentoring them were over when everyone in my little unit was reassigned, but it looks like God may have other ideas after all.

I feel an odd blend of age, satisfaction and excitement I cannot quite explain.

Return to Seed.

Watching Gundam Seed Destiny for what is probably the 3rd time, and only now do I realise that only at the end of episode 45 does the Archangel fly with a full crew. Can't imagine how much power it would have had as the flagship of a full space fleet with 4 specialist mobile suits, 2 support aircraft, as well as 1 squadron each of Murasames and M1-Astrays.

In contrast the Minerva that did serve as fleet command never did appear anywhere near as impressive even when mostly served by a full staff and 5 ZAFT Reds. Even the Takemikazuchi had more presence in the few short episodes it was in.

It's kinda sad to realise that all I can think of in watching old anime again is how useful the content would be to elaborate on Social Studies topics.

Savannah.

There's just something magical about looking down from a height across the green with the wind blowing in your face and the sun plays through the clouds while listening to the Lion King OST.

It's like being on Pride Rock until i look left or right to remember this is just NIE block 3, level 2. Meh.

The driving rains falling from a grey sky match so perfectly the melancholic minors of a song that runs through my skull. So dark, so ominous; oppressively enrapturous.

Oh, the dangers of decontextualisation. As emo as it all sounds, I'm just walking out on a wet evening listening to the Gundam SEED OST, parts of which are admittedly depressing. The comfort in all this is that my IEMs are decent enough to provide this isolation and immersion in the music so I'm at least halfway sure the feelings aren't truly my own.

It's an experience though, listening to music out in weather I wouldn't dare expose my 840s to. The cumulative mood just fires the imagination; images of speeding over the waters of the Gulf of Carpentaria towards some deadly mission for which one has neither passion nor confidence to see through. The flashes of lightning and sleet running off the armour plating of the mobile suit somehow brings a cold into your bones even strapped tightly into the warm recesses of a cramped cockpit. Some days you don't even know why you wear the ZAFT Reds and the FAITH pin means nothing.

Ah the subtle manipulations of music... Or I'm crazy.

Fresh Dawn

I just spent 5 minutes erasing 7 years worth of reflection on my life. So many memories, so much history - wiped clean with a few clicks and refreshes. It's amazing how easy this makes letting go of a past seem.

Yet, reality proves otherwise. There's something in us that seeks to hold on, whether the moment brought a smile to our lips or tears to our eyes. Why? Simply because the road we travelled made us who we are today; and letting go of the past is in a way a denial of who we have become.

But is there something really wrong with surrendering ourselves? Not when there is a greater cause, and not when you know that there is someone who sees more clearly the path ahead. That someone may not avoid every pothole on the road, but at least I my destination is assured.

Taking a small step back, I realise this inspiration came from the co-lead of my little group - she just wiped out her entire journal as a symbol of fresh beginning. Maybe it's something I've needed to do as well, to let go of who and what I was (instead of just saying it)and truly live as the new creation I'm supposed to be.

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
See,darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. - Isaiah 60:1-3